Why Not Me?
by Azrael'sLoveChild
Summary: Chloe has a horrible almost one night stand and when it all goes haywire,Lucifer is her shoulder to cry on. Could it become something more?
1. Chapter 1-The Incident

"You dirty little slut. Honestly, I'm shocked, I didn't think you had it in you. How was it? You know what they say, the devil is in the details, so spill."

"Lucifer, there's nothing to spill. It was awful and I just want to forget it even happened."

"Come now detective, carnal delights should not be described as awful. Could he not get it up? Ooh, I know, he was a three pump chump? You tell me you've had a one night stand but you expect me to leave it at that? Detective, how long have we worked together? You and I both know, I'm not going to leave this alone until you talk. I too can interrogate my suspect."

"Well, if you want to interrogate someone, go interrogate him, he's downstairs in a holding cell. He tried to beat the crap out of me once he found out I was a cop."

With that, Chloe stomped away, wiping tears from her eyes. Lucifer's questioning made her relive the whole nightmare as he talked. She ran into the ladies room before any of her fellow officers could see her crying. She refused to give any of those assholes anymore ammunition against her. She splashed water on her face forgetting all of the make-up she had to apply to hide the bruises. Shit, she didn't have time for this, she had a case she and Lucifer were supposed to be working.

The door opened behind her and she lowered her head, not wanting whoever came in to see her like this. They would roast her. She had to be smarter, faster, and stronger than everyone else. Showing any sign of weakness made her shark food.

"Detective, look at me", Lucifer said, in a soft voice she was sure she had never heard him use.

"No, I look hideous. Let me fix my face and we'll go."

"Detective, you could have leprosy and still look gorgeous. I have seen actual lepers, I would know."

"Chloe, tell me what happened. I can punish this man for you but I need to know what happened."

"Lucifer, you can't just punish people on a whim. There are laws for this reason", she said, finally looking at him.

"For you, I'd punish anyone. Tell me what happened to you, I'm your partner. Don't I deserve to know?"

He was right. She knew he should know so he could handle any emotional condition that arose but she was so ashamed of herself. She never should have let things get so out of hand.

"Alright, I'll tell you but not here. Let's head to the crime scene", she said leading him from the restroom.

"I'd much rather head to my bedroom, but, what can a devil do?"

"Hey, can we take your car so I don't have to face anyone checking out a squad car? I'd rather you drive, I'm still shaky and I need to fix my make-up."

"You must be upset, you hate the way I drive", he said as they headed out the back door and into the parking lot.

"Just follow the traffic laws, Lucifer. I'd hate to have to arrest you today."

"Ooh, handcuff play detective? You know, I'm always up for that."

"Only you would go there right now."

"Darling, you know I'm a firm believer in sexual healing."

"Okay Marvin Gaye, in the car before someone sees me."

They drove a few miles in silence. Chloe had almost finished reapplying her make-up and Lucifer watched her wondering how she got so good at that. Past experience with the douche perhaps? What she didn't see as she worked on her face was the rage bubbling just under the surface of Lucifer's cool persona. Once her got her to tell him what the man did to her, he was going to call Maze and have her bring the fellow to LUX so Lucifer could have a talk with him. No one, and he meant no one touched his detective.

"Ouch", she said suddenly, "That burns."

"What was that?", Lucifer said. Her outburst pulling him from his train of thought.

"I touched this part right here and it burned. Really starting to hurt."

"Okay, how did it happen? Walk me through it, as you say, step by step."

"Well, I went to that new pub downtown. I was feeling alone. This cute guy walked up and offered to buy me a drink."

Lucifer rolled his eyes. So cliche'. He motioned with his hand for her to continue the story even though he had this odd feeling in his gut. What was this?

"So, one thing led to another and I went with him back to his place. We talked for a few minutes and he leaned in to kiss me, knocking my purse off the couch. My badge and gun fell out and he went ballistic on me. Calling me an effing pig. He kicked my gun away and..and..."

She started crying then. This was all wrong. His strong independent detective was not allowed to shed tears. She wasn't supposed to be harmed this way. This would not stand.

He pulled the car over on the shoulder and unbuckled both his and her seat belts. He was about to do something completely out of character. He was going to comfort another being. Lucifer pulled her across the console and into his lap, holding her to his chest. Surprisingly, she didn't try to stop him. He let the woman cry it out right there on his Armani suit.

Silently he stroked her hair and rubbed her back. He could feel the hurt and shame in each sob. His true form was dangerously close to surfacing. He wanted five minutes alone with this man who hurt the detective. His detective.

"Chloe, shhh, you're alright. I'll avenge your honor. I promise but you must promise me something in return."

She sniffled and dug in her purse for one of the tissues she kept for Trixie, "What would that be, Lucifer?"

"Next time you feel lonely and in need of a drink, you'll come to LUX, to me, I'll make sure no harm comes to you."

"Thank-you. That's very generous but I don't think I'll be going out anywhere again. At least not anytime soon."

He cradled her close then. As hard as it was for him to understand humans and the odd way they did things, he understood this. She was in flight. Her response was to run and hide.

"Detective, why not me? Why don't you ever come to me anymore?"

She tried to move back to her seat but found she just didn't have the energy at the moment. She stayed in his lap, clutching the lapels of his jacket. That was a good question. Why not him? She would have to think about that.

"Well, last time I came to you, you rejected me", she said grinning into his chest. She knew just how to push his buttons.

"You, darling were three sheets to the wind. Do you remember the panic you were in when you woke up and thought we had done the nasty? What if I hadn't have been so chivalrous, hmm? You wouldn't have been able to live with yourself."

He was telling the truth. She would have instantly regretted it. Slowly she slid over his console and back into her seat. He was right and she hated it. Seemed he was always right.

Lucifer exhaled deeply, the moment was over, "Alright, where are we going? I seem to have forgotten."

"Can we to your place? I don't feel like working today."

Lucifer smirked to himself. Perhaps she was coming around to his way of thinking after all,"As you wish my lady."

Her shift captain called and she told him that she and Lucifer were investigating some things but they had no leads yet. It wasn't a high priority case anyway, some lady had her pure bred poodles stolen from her yard. Chloe was of the mindset that the dogs got out and ran away. Right there in the report, it said she couldn't remember if she closed the gate or not and the investigating officers found no signs of a break in or any tampering with the gates. People always jumped to conclusions and claimed theft when they made a mistake. Lucifer was right, people never took responsibility for their own actions, they placed the blame elsewhere.

They pulled up in front of LUX and he walked around to her side to let her out of the car,"See, I never lock you in the car detective. I am a gentleman."

Chloe shook her head and smiled. He was going to hold that over her head forever. Thanking him, she got out of the car and let him lead her into the club. She had been here before when they were closed and it always surprised her how the place, bustling with activity at night, was so peaceful and serene during the day.

"Fancy a drink detective? I have the best there is."

"Is there anyway you could whip me up one of those fruity drinks with the umbrellas?", knowing he didn't serve those. She wanted to see what he would do. Had to push those buttons.

"For you, certainly."

Sitting the blender on the bar, he added the liquor and syrups, along with ice and frozen fruit. Seconds later, he was pouring the concoction in a large glass. With a wink and a grin, he pulled a box out from under the counter and placed a straw and a little folding umbrella in the glass, "Your drink, detective."

Chloe took the glass from his hand and took a long sip from the straw. It was so good she licked her lips and moaned. She had never had anything this good and she told him so.

"My pleasure, darling. Care to retire to my quarters?"

"Okay, but no funny business."

"I'll try to be on my best behavior, but feel free to seduce me if you wish."

Oh, she wished. She wished to badly but she wasn't telling him that. He wasn't the relationship type anyway.


	2. Chapter 2-The Discovery

A/N I don't cash and I don't own these guys. You know where they came from. I'm just playing with them. They quite enjoy the treatment I give them /

"Sit, detective, get comfortable, kick off those wretched heels. As a matter of fact, strip off all of your clothes, if you so feel inclined."

"Lucifer, you said you'd behave," Chloe chided, slipping off her regulation high heels. God, that felt good.

"No, I said that I would try. I made no promises."

"You never stop, do you? The constant seducer."

"Devil, darling, can't help myself. Care for another drink or anything else. They say enough bad things about me, would hate to be called a terrible host, too"

"Oh, no. This is more than enough. Dumb question, but you wouldn't happen to have a first aid kit around here anywhere, would you? This spot here on my chin burns and I need to put some antibacterial cream on it."

With a nod, he reached under the bed and pulled out one of the biggest kits she had seen that was not attached to an EMS vehicle, "Sometimes, things get out of 'control' with my overnight guests so I need to be prepared."

"Looks like you're ready for anything."

He smiled and tiled his hood, studying her face. The make up did a bang up job of covering the bruises but it looked to him like there was some blood above her eyebrow, He pulled her to her feet and stood her under the light. Yes, bleeding and rather badly.

"Come on let's clean you up and get that bandaged. You're bleeding, love."

"What?", she said surprised, "Where?"

"Above your eye. What the hell did that miscreant hit you with, that looks rather bad?"

"How bad? It didn't look like much this morning."

"Well, if you call being able to see the muscle under the flesh not much, then no, it's not much."

"I think I need to go to the ER and get stitches. Take me?"

"Nonsense, come here, I can fix this."

"Now you're Dr. Morningstar as well?"

"I have vast knowledge of the human body since I was there when it was created. Now come sit in my lap and let me fix you."

Chloe caved. She didn't want to have to go explain to some stranger how she was injured. They would have to report it and she was in no shape to answer any question right now any way. So she sat stiffly on his leg.

Lucifer sighed and pulled her closer, wrapping and arm around her back. Silly woman, "Let's see. Ah, yes, I think a few butterfly strips will close this right up. You're going to have to lie down for me."

Much to his surprise, Chloe went to the bed and lied down with no argument. Lucifer took what he needed from the box and went to lie down next to Chloe. Gently, he applied the cream with a swab, hesitating as she hissed.

"What's wrong, Detective?"

"Stings a little. Sorry. Go ahead."

Lucifer dabbed a bit, wiping away the excess cream along with the blood before holding the cut closed and putting the bandages on like an expert. She smiled before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing the tip of his nose. Blasted female, he thought she was going to properly thank him but no. Tease, such a tease.

"Detective, Chloe? Why not me? Am I so horrid?

She scrunched up her face and shook her head, "No, you're not that horrid."

Angrily, he pinned her arms above her head, "Then why? Why is you would prefer someone else? Why go out to some dive bar and let some abusive, grubby handed stranger touch you? Tell me, I want the bloody truth or so help me, Chloe, I don't know what I may do."

She rolled out from under him and onto her side, refusing to look at him. She didn't know if it was the alcohol making her feel brave or the fact that she was tired of keeping everything bottled up inside, "Because you can't love me and dammit, I need someone who loves me, really loves me, okay? There, feel better now."

"Actually, no."

"You've gotten your answer, you drug it out of me, you should be pleased", she said curling into a ball.

"I'm not pleased at all because you couldn't be more wrong."

She felt his side of the bed rise, telling her he stood up but she was too emotionally exhausted to argue with him. She closed her eyes and let sleep over take her. If he wanted her to leave, he was going to have to kick her out. For now, she was taking a nap.

Lucifer almost ran from the room. He needed a drink. Once at the bar though, he lost his appetite for alcohol. Her words had hurt. A mere mortal woman inflicted an unbelievable amount of pain on the devil with her doubts. His thoughts wondered back to the time he had first met the sassy detective and fast forwarded to this point trying to figure out what he had done to make her believe him incapable of love. So many things, she had even walked in on him in the middle of a foursome once. How could he rectify all the mistakes he had made in regards to her. How could he prove to her that she was wrong. Perhaps avenging her would make her see. No, she would complain that he had to obey the human laws. Well, no matter, he would think of something. For now, he had to deal with her attacker anyway. He was the devil after all.

Maze didn't care for Chloe, that much was clear. She thought the mortal made Lucifer weak as well as vulnerable to dying. Really dying. When she saw the human woman asleep on Lucifer's bed, she had thought the lady cop had finally succumbed to her boss's charms. When she attempted to goad him about it, he had quickly corrected her and told her what little he knew of Chloe's predicament.

"Those kind of men were always my favorite to torture in hell. Can I play with him please?", Maze purred.

"In this instance, yes you may have the honor. That way, it won't be traced back to me But just this once He's still in that central holding cell as far as I know. Chloe said his name was David."

Maze was gone before he finished saying what he needed to. She was nothing if not efficient. He would give her that. He got a glass and a bottle of Balvenie single malt from the bar and sat down at his piano. In his sadness he began to play. He had no real song in mind so he let the notes flow from his fingers. The melody was as haunted as his soul and for the first time since he fell from Heaven, he cried.

Maze had located the man in the county lock up just as Lucifer had told her. Getting in and out of there was child's play. She tied the bastard's legs and arms to the chair before giving him a round house kick to the face. When she did, his nose and lower chin fell off. What the…

Under the make-up and prosthetic was none other than Detective Douche. Maze kicked him again for good measure and took out her phone to call Lucifer. He was going to love this.

"You'll never believe who it was, not in a million years. Oh, Lucifer, I'm creaming my panties here," she said as he answered the phone.

"Well, are you going to tell me or until your climax is over?"

"Detective. Douche."

"Why was Chloe acting like it was someone she didn't know if it was El' Douche'?"

"You've got to see this to believe it. He had this whole fake face get up on. It was probably dark in that bar too."

"Find out why and proceed as you please. Leave me something for later. I've been dying to pay him a visit and now I have a good reason."

"You got, but I'm ripping his junk off and making him choke on it for a while and nothing you can say will stop me."

"Ouch and yes. You are well acclimated to punishing, my dear demon. See you later."

Dan knew he was busted and by Lucifer's bartender of all people. He had to talk his way out of this and quick. Wait, Maze didn't like Chloe, maybe he could bring her around and have her see things his way.

"Listen, Maze. I can explain."

Maze straddled his hips and licked his cheek, "Explain", she said biting his earlobe.

Dan knew it was wrong but he was getting turned on. Maze was hotter than hell and knew her way around a man's body. Each little movement she made had him getting harder and harder so he swallowed hard and tried to tell her his side of the story. How he had gotten one of his friends who works undercover in the organized crime unit to do his make up. He had known Chloe was going to be there since she had gotten his baby sister to watch Trixie over night. He explained that Chloe was getting too involved with cases that should have open and shut. So, he figured if he smacked her around a little and pretended as David, to hate cops, she would run. None of this, Maze thought, was reason for him to do what he did.

"What else, what else is there, Dan, that has you so upset?"she asked licking his lower lip.

"I wanted her to quit being a cop, to be so afraid, she would run back to me. That she would get the hell away from Lucifer for good. Hey, you'd like that, too, right. If Chloe was out of the way."

"Perhaps, but not for the same reasons as you. You're so pathetic and sad. It's over, she doesn't want you. You know what, I'm not going to kill you. No, I'm going to work my little demon ass off to get Lucifer and Chloe together. When I'm done, they will be raising Rosemary's baby together."

Dan was grateful that she decided to let him live. He could weasel Chloe into believing any story he made up, he just had to make sure Maze didn't tell her either.

Before he could open his mouth, Maze's hand was in his pants and she had a super sexy smile on her face. Maybe, just maybe, he was going to get lucky tonight. She ran a finger down his cheek and took him in her hand.

"Oh, yeah, baby. Show me what you want. Tell daddy Dan what you need, bad girl."

Suddenly pain like he had never felt ripped through his groin.

"Open wide baby," baby she said, as he felt his own junk pass his lips. She was cramming it in his mouth.

"Told you, you're pathetic. Not even a mouthful. Sit tight, David. Lucifer will be by later to see you."

Lucifer knows? Well, he was screwed. He should have just stayed home and listened to Nickelback and drank his craft beer.


	3. Chapter 3-The Realization

Chloe rolled off the bed with a thud. What a way to wake up. She looked around Lucifer's penthouse and saw that she was alone. Grabbing her phone from her bag, she checked the time. 3:30 pm. Shit, Trixie had been out of school for half an hour and she wasn't there to get her. Stupid, Decker, really stupid, she chided herself. She grabbed her heels from in front of Lucifer's sofa and slid them on before she scrambled to the elevator. Impatiently, she rode down to the ground floor. When the doors opened, the scene in front of her was almost too much to handle. Trixie was sitting on Lucifer's piano and he was singing to her. Lucifer, who hated kids and cringed at the sight of them, was singing to her daughter. And man, could he sing. But she couldn't help but wonder why he was singing Sugar by Maroon 5. He was an enigma, wrapped in bacon and deep fried,

"Mommy!", Trixie yelled as she jumped from the piano and ran to her mother, hugging her leg.

"Ah, detective, you've finally roused. As an act of mercy, I allowed you to rest and retrieved your spawn for you."

Chloe was touched, he was always doing little things like this for her. She stepped up to him, wrapped her arms around him and gave him a genuine hug, not the usual three pats on the back, "Thank-you, Lucifer, for being here for me today, for everything, even playing doctor with me."

Trixie's jaw dropped open, "Mommy, you and Lucifer played doctor? So, Mrs. Morgan was right. She said you and Lucifer must love roleplay."

"Tell her Mr. Morningstar likes roleplay very much, can't speak for your mother as of yet."

Chloe smacked his shoulder, "Don't tell her that, she WILL tell Mrs. Morgan and that woman is a total gossip."

"Perhaps we should give her something to talk about then", he said wiggling his eyebrows at Chloe.

"I think we already have, Lucifer. Anyway, thanks for today, I mean it. I need to get home and help her with her homework and start dinner. Tomorrow we are really going to have to work on that poodle case before Dan rushes me to close it. He thinks everything should be open and shut, no investigation."

"Well, I wouldn't worry about anything Detective Douche thinks",Lucifer said, remembering his guest downstairs.

"Do you think you could swing me by the station to get my car, I left it there?"

"Of course. Come along spawn, time for you to go home with Mother. Grab your bag."

He was a grab bag of surprises and even with all of his craziness, Chloe found herself asking herself the question he asked her earlier. Why not him? She shook her head. No, she wanted a real partnership, not a one night stand. She would never try that again.

"Mommy, why do you have boo boo bands on your head. Did you trip and fall, again?"

Lucifer ushered the child to the bench where her backpack was, "Something like that. But your mom is fine, Dr. Lucifer took care of it."

Trixie wrapped her arms around his hips and hugged his side, "I love you, Lucifer, you're the best."

"Yes, yes. You love, Luci. I see."

He didn't cringe or push her daughter away, Chloe noticed. He was trying, actually trying to be nice to the girl. Maybe, just maybe, she should give Lucifer a chance. What did she have to lose?

Her mind screamed at her then. _You'll lose the best partner and friend you have ever had if it doesn't work out, Decker and given your history, it won't work out. He could never love someone like you._

Or could he? _No, shake those thoughts out of your head Chloe, he has shoes that cost more than you make in a year._

"Coming Detective? Or would you like to have a sleep over with me? We can make s'mores and play spin the bottle."

Trixie's eyes grew as big as saucers, "Can we, mom?"

"No, honey, we don't need to be in Lucifer's way. let's go home, yeah?"

Both Lucifer and Trixie made puppy faces at her but she stood her ground and gave them both a firm no. it just wouldn't be proper.

"Detective, you could never be 'in my way' as you say."

She shook her head and followed him and Trixie up the stairs. As she took the third step a shooting pain cut through her ankle. She lifted her pant leg and looked down. Seems she had sprained her ankle last night and it was now pounding out it's anger at being forgotten about.

"Oh, dear, looks like we're having a sleep over, child, grab your mother's purse while I take her back upstairs."

"Lucifer, I'll be fine, just take me home. I'll ice it and it will be good as new tomorrow."

"No, absolutely not. You can't even move, let alone cook and care for your hell spawn. Indulge me just this once." _There was no way in hell he was letting her go home like that. She needed his superior care and attention._

Chloe huffed and blew her bangs out of her face, "Fine, but just this once." _Can I stay with you forever, Lucifer?_

"Yay, sleep over with Lucifer. This is going to be so cool."

"We're closed tonight anyway, so you don't have to worry about the spawn here being exposed to any unsavory elements, well, I'll be here but I'll try to behave. Shall we?'

He picked her up and clutched her to his chest. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to hold this woman close. Subconsciously, he held her a little tighter than he should have. _Mine_ As they silently rode the elevator back up to his pent house, he only had one thought on his mind. _Why not me, detective?_

Chloe laid her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was a little fast and irregular. He was so warm, too. She wondered what it would be like to wake up every morning in those arms. _Why not him?_


	4. Chapter 4-The Conclusion

A/N Please don't PM with requests to be nicer to Dan in MY stories. You are capable of writing your own douchy love story. Don't expect one from me. #KillingDanEveryStory

"Cease and desist miniature human! Your mother is trying to sleep. I gave her a very strong pain killer. How many time can you listen to to a song about a sweatshirt? Has no one told that boy child that sharing dirty clothes is a social faux pas?"

"A what?", Trixie asked, looking confused. "And why did you drug mommy? Did you slip her a ruthie?

"It's called a roofie and where did you hear about such a thing?"

"From a show called The First 48, daddy watches it every weekend when I'm with him."

"A fine example he is. Ignoring his offspring. No matter. No, I did not drug your mother, she was very aware of what I was giving her. She had a bad night last night and was in a lot of pain so I wanted to help her. If you must know, it was only naproxen sodium. Perfectly legal." _I'll always be there for her._

"She was okay when we made s'mores and you burned your hand on the marshmallow. And she seemed fine when the melted chocolate squirted in your eye."

"If I recall correctly, you both laughed at my inexperience and pain. I looked up those damnable treats and did you know they were meant to be made over a camp fire, not a fireplace in a luxury penthouse?"

The child shrugged and smiled at the devil. She knew, she just liked to watch Lucifer mess up. She yawned, getting sleepy. He looked up at the clock. It was already 1:30 in the morning. Early for him, but the middle of the night for the child.

"Come, along. We'll put your pajamas on and get you into bed. Your mother is going to shoot me when she finds out how late you kept me up."

"Uh-uh, I didn't keep you up, you kept me up and if you don't give me cocoa, I'm so telling mommy."

"What have we here, the world's smallest extortionist?", he said throwing the girl on the sofa and tickling her tummy. _What in the bloody hell am I doing?_

Dan woke up, weak from blood loss. There was a gauze bandage on his crotch and Maze stood in the corner, licking the blade of her knife.

Dan, never one to know when to keep his mouth closed gave Maze a dirty look before saying, "When you lick that knife, it reminds me of that Miley Cyrus video where she gives a 'BJ' to a hammer."

"You sound like you want to give a Bj, Dan. Want to practice on my blade?" I'll even hold it for you so you can deep throat it."

"Psychotic bitch. What the hell is wrong you and that nut job you call a boss?"

"Tut-tut. Leave him out out of this. He hasn't even been down to visit you yet. He's been busy taking care of Chloe and your child. You know, unless I'm mistaken, Trixie likes Lucifer a whole lot more than she likes you. Why do you think that is?", she said, rubbing salt in his wounds.

Chloe was upstairs? He started rocking the chair and screaming her name. Chloe would save him from these lunatics. Suddenly, he was back handed hard enough to make his mouth bleed.

"People are trying to sleep around here, Danny boy. Are you always so rude?", Maze asked having too much fun with the douche.

"Let me out of here. I can give you whatever you want. Money, drugs, guys, girls, anything you can think of, just let me go and it's yours."

"Your soul, Dan. I want your soul", she said stalking towards him. Maze was tired of his blubbering. She would of cut out his tongue but that would ruin her whole plan to get Mr. Shit Stain to confess. Lucifer and Chloe were going to be together, even if it killed Dan.

It was then that she had an idea. A wicked idea. Bring Chloe down here and make Dan spill the proverbial beans. Then she would turn to Lucifer for sure.

Maze returned upstairs to get the woman, intent on exposing the douche once and for all. She carried in her hand the prosthesis that would prove to Chloe that Dan was indeed her bad date, David. The elevator doors opened and Maze was greeted with a sight so unholy it made her shudder. Trixe was asleep on Lucifer's back, using his butt for a pillow and he was snoring like a freight train. The kid better be glad Lucifer didn't pass gas like humans do. She giggled to herself, imagining the flames of hell shooting out of Lucifer's ass.

She went over to the bed and yanked Chloe to her feet, hardly giving the detective time to properly wake up, "What the hell, Maze?"

"Come with me, I caught the man who attacked you."

"He was in jail, Maze, you must have the wrong man."

"No, he was in jail. I took him out. You have to see this", Maze said, holding out the plastic face. "Your David was not who he claimed to to. He had on a wig, too but I knocked it off of him."

Maze walked briskly away, leaving Chloe to follow behind her on a sprained ankle. The two women rode the elevator in silence as Chloe looked over the realistic rubber face in her hands. Once they reached the basement level, Chloe could hear Dan screaming for help. Why was he here? She so didn't want to deal with him at the moment. Had Maze brought him to deal with David? Too many questions formed in the detective's mind but the main one bouncing around right now was, 'What the hell?'.

Maze threw the door open to reveal a bloody pants wearing Dan tied to a chair. Chloe saw the wig and the shirt David had worn at the pub on the floor next to him. The reality of it hit her like a ton of bricks and as she looked at her ex the only thing she could say was, "Why?"

The guilt was written across his features and he looked like he was half about to cry, half about to crap his pants, "I can explain."

"There's no explanation necessary, Dan. I think I get it loud and clear."

Before she could cry or leave the room, strong arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her to a warm chest, "For what he has done, love, there is no explanation, he's a cowardly little worm. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but at the same time, I'm not. You needed to know."

Maze leaned up and whispered in Lucifer's ear. She had a suggestion and it was perfect. Using an old trick he learned in hell, Lucifer snapped his fingers and a huge Vulture appeared in front of Dan. The monster beast gobbled him up in one bite then spat him out. This action was repeated a few times. Maze was brilliant, this was her best idea yet.

Maze pointed and laughed, "Told you you're pathetic Dan. Not even a mouthful."

Chloe's eyes widened and she stifled a laugh, "In more ways than one, Maze, in more ways than one."

"I know, when I cut it off, I was so disappointed."

"You cut off his….?"

"Yep. I did. If you want, we can make it grow back and cut it off over and over."

Lucifer looked a tad bit uncomfortable with all the talk of cutting manly bits off but he had to agree the thought amused him. At least it wasn't his bits and bobs they were out to get. He would gladly let Dan suffer whatever torment his detective found fitting.

"Or we could roll it up in a car window over and over", Chloe said with a hint of mischief in her eyes.

"Done!", Lucifer snapped his fingers and the bird was gone, replaced by an old Pinto. "Sorry , darling, he's not worthy of a quality car.

Maze untied Dan and held him up to the passenger side window as Chloe rolled the window up as far as it would go. After a few satisfied crunches and screams of agony from Dan, Chloe sighed, "I'm bored with this. What else can we do to him?"

"Anything that pleases you. Being friends with the devil has it's benefits. I mean besides the obvious ones. You know, where I give you unlimited amounts of pleasure."

"You really are the devil, aren't you? I thought so. I should probably haul ass out of here but oddly, I feel safe."

"Afraid so. But I'm still me, the man who's stood behind you all of this 're safer with us than you would be with the entire police force at your back. I'd never hurt you intentionaly." _Father, don't let her run away from me._

Chloe stood deep in thought for a minute before looking up at Lucifer, "If you're the devil, prove it. Shove a pineapple up Dan's ass like they did in that movie."

"Little Nicky, you're using Little Nicky as a point of reference for the devil? Detective, what am I going to do with you?"

Chloe stroked her chin for a minute like she did when working a case, "Hmmm, anything you want, Lucifer, anything you want."

Lucifer wanted to do many things to his sassy detective. He had even written a bucket list of sorts with all the things he wanted to try with her. Now, he could slowly cross each one off. But first, he had to make a pina colada.

Giving his detective a seductive grin, he told Maze to drop the douche and stand on his head. From out of nowhere, a pineapple and a coconut appeared in each hand. Chloe watched with undivided attention as Lucifer shoved both fruits where the sun didn't shine. Anything for his detective.


	5. Chapter 5-Togetherness

Maze, Chloe and Lucifer sat at the bar downing shots. Trashing Dan was fun and Chloe didn't have a single regret. She thought she would feel guilty but after all that tool had put her through, she actually felt ten pounds lighter. _Couldn't have happened to a better guy._

"So, you're the devil and Maze is a demon? You kept telling me, but I didn't listen. Why am I so dumb, Lucifer?"

"You're not dumb, Chloe, the human mind can't accept things such as God and Satan, even when the evidence is right in their faces", Maze told the detective as Lucifer rubbed the woman's back. "Besides, if you were dumb, Luci there wouldn't have invested so much time in you."

"Do not call me Luci!"

Chloe gave Maze a wink and turned her head towards him, "Ok, whatever you say, Luci."

"Blasted females ganging up on me. Maze go see if the child is awake, I need a word with the detective."

"You two need more than just a word with each other. Sleep together already, dammit", the demon said walking away.

"I am only going to say this once so listen to me carefully, Chloe. I didn't realize saying these things out loud was so hard. I adore you, Chloe. You make my life a lot less boring. Your child isn't so bad either. At least I can tolerate her. I would like for us to try to be somewhat exclusive. As in, no one else touches you and I will not touch or let anyone touch me." _I hope that came out right, I've never asked this of anyone before._ "Chloe Decker, will you be mine?"

Her heart was pounding in her chest. He really asked, formally. He was so awkward and sweet. For a man who never practiced monogamy in his life, Chloe knew how major this was for him. _And you'd be an idiot to say no, look at that face._

She took his hand in hers, giving it a squeeze, "Yes, Lucifer. I will."

A loud clap came from overheard. Both turned to see Maze clapping and Trixie jumping up and down. Both demon and child were grinning from ear to ear. Lucifer smiled at Chloe, "Even they approve."

Trixie ran down the stairs and jumped in Lucifer's lap, "Does this mean you're going to be my step-dad?"

Chloe winked at him, "Well, are you going to?"

 _Ah, challenge accepted, Detective._ "I can try, offspring, I'm far superior at most things, perhaps I will flourish in this role as well."

"Ok, first we're going to have a tea party then I'll paint your nails", the child said stroking her chin.

Maze laughed. This was going to be better than going to hell. She would get to watch Trixie perpetually torture her boss.


End file.
